I'd Wait for Life
by starryjen
Summary: Songfic set after 13.23, based on Take That's 'I'd Wait for Life'  Ray's POV


_Disclaimer: As usual I don't own ER. Wrote this a couple of days ago Songfic based on Take That's 'I'd Wait for Life' Bit of a drabble, not sure how happy I am with it, but the song seemed so fitting I had to try and write something, but Songfics aren't my speciality. So here goes._

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_There's a face that I used to see_

_There's a picture with you by my side_

_There's a moment that I want to find_

Your apartment's gone, let to another. A box arrived this morning, things no one had thought to pack, inconsequential items, items that were hidden, nothing important, but you find yourself sitting staring at the contents as if they were museum pieces. The television remote, so easily replaced, but the memories of fighting over it, horror movie or chick flick, of recording Celebrity Poker for her, of nights on the couch with her head resting on your shoulder come flooding back. A mug, her mug, the one she'd always insisted her tea was made in but when she'd left it had stayed. Her teaching you how to make 'proper tea', of the grimaces on her face when you got it wrong.

Her face, those gorgeous, wide, deep brown eyes that you could easily have drowned in if you'd been given the chance. Blazing in anger, shining in fascination, dilated in passion, or was that only in your imagination, all had been aimed at you. It's four months since you've seen her, there are letters of course, but its not the same and you find yourself rummaging in your closet to find the photograph that had graced your fridge for so long.

The two of you together before the complications had gotten in the way. Before Michael, Gates and Katey. Some formal event, you can't remember what, you both dressed up with glasses of champagne, happy to be in each other's company. No question of what you were to each other then. But the complications had happened and despite them you'd ended up crossing the boundaries between friendship and more.

And you'd thought it was heading for love, it was certainly hinted at in that moment on a deserted warehouse floor, when what you'd been dreaming of seemed possible. You'd like that moment back, to retrace your steps, to rewind time, to tell Hope to wait, or at least to have a new moment like that, one where finally her guilt over Michael wasn't important, where 'meaning' finally meant something, but you're not sure how to get there, or if it's even possible.

_I don't know where to start_

_Or how to begin_

_But I know I love you still_

The one thing you can't question, can't doubt, is that you still love her, she's worked her way into your heart slowly, persuasively and now that she's resident, there's no way you can evict her. She's told you, though, that she's focusing on work, getting her head straight with everything that's happened, and you have to respect that.

_If you ever turn away_

_If you ever change your mind_

_If the road ahead becomes too hard to climb_

_If there's something in your heart that tells you to stop_

_Oh to hold you close tonight_

_I'd wait for life_

You were never supposed to fall in love, 'rockstars' don't do love, it was meant to be about groupies, sex with a different one each night, and it was until you met her, and you tried to keep up the pretence but it was hard when the only one you ever wanted was the one you couldn't have. But you've made it clear that you're not going anywhere, when she's ready, if she's ready, you'll be waiting, the love you feel is to strong to die.

_There's a voice shouting inside my head_

_There's a space on your side of the bed_

_There's a hope everytime there's a sound_

_There's a silence that's playing too loud_

Without her you know something's missing in your life, things you want to share that just don't work in letters, thoughts, drabbles, that you can't convey into text. You miss meeting her eyes across a patient; you're lonely for an English accent, sounds and sights that letters can't convey.

You've been the only person in your bed for a long time, and though you know there's someone who'd be willing to fill the other space, there's only one person you'll be offering it to and it will be waiting for as long as she needs, because you can only hope that one day you'll wake in the morning and she'll be there beside you.

_I don't know how you are_

_Or how you may be_

_But I know I love you still_

You've tried reading between the lines of her letters, trying to pick up on how she really is, has she recovered from the accident, does she think about you the way you think of her, does she miss you like you miss her? All you know if that you miss her, and love her still, that every letter is like beer to an alcoholic, a craving, a thirst to know how she is, but finished all too soon. You relive the moments of your times together, you dream of the girl that you love, she's always in your head, and hopefully one day in your arms and in your bed, but you can wait for that. For life if need be.

_If I close my eyes_

_I'll dream a little deeper baby_

_Cause you are always on my mind_

_Yeah you are always on my mind_

_For life_


End file.
